Whoa...

I know... I know... many of you have given up on me. I knew it had been a long time since I had last entered a post to my blog but February? Wow...
There is a long, long list of reasons for my absence. Too long of a list to go into. I wont even try to enter three months worth of activities into on post. Let's just generalize. I have a full time job. It involves me being on the computer a large amount of time. I don't do a lot of computer time when I am home. It has made me a much quicker keyboard master as well.
I am love love loving the fact that I am not doing the hair thing. If it couldn't be like it was in So. Cal. then I don't want anymore of it. I love hair, I love cosmetology. I do miss it but I do not have the desire to re create it here. I don't have it in me to rebuild a clientele. I LOVE what I am doing and not searching my soul or the want ads for anything else.
I will make a commitment to try to add more later. For now, it is head hittin' the pillow time.

Noise, Silence, Words

"Words like violence break the silence-Come crashing in into my little world-Painful to me, pierce right through me"

These are lyrics from a Depeche Mode song, "Enjoy the Silence"
I have enjoyed some silence but not nearly enough of it. I was raised with noise. Not so much loud noise but a lot of background noise. The radio or television always playing in the background. I still have the habit. I can't walk into the house and not have music or t.v. on in the background. What goes on externally also goes on inside my head. No, not voices in my head. Just my voice. My mom told me one time, a long time ago, "you think too much". It's true. Internalize it, keep it in there, turn it, toss it, mull it over, obsess about it, re think it, re invent it, on and on.
My life is at a stage where I want to "Enjoy the Silence". I like to "chat" but am not a habitual talker. I have lived for many years with a habitual talker. Maybe I don't talk so much because I have trouble getting a word in or maybe I just don't talk that much. I had to talk a lot in my previous profession, listening was more important but I did my fair share of talking. Sometimes it was light and superficial and a lot of times it was heavy or deep. I enjoyed the listening part and feel much wiser for it. I think there is a saying about being wise and being a listener rather than opening your mouth and showing how unwise you really are.
I am going to make the effort to enjoy the silence and use it to listen and think, but not too much...

Today in Washington

A good day in downtown Seattle. Sid brought a friend. Riley was my friend. We spent some Christmas gift cards. Rainy and gray of course. Went to REI(Recreational Equipment Inc.) the girls needed outerwear. I didn't need anything but got some awesome shoes.
My friend Tami called- didn't get to talk to her, she was on her way to the annual hairshow. Sad, wish I were going. Not that I want to do hair, just like all of the goodies. It's a shopping extravaganza.
We are home- I built a fire- watching Harry Potter. Having a glass of Snoqualmie Whistle Stop Red- Cab/Merlot blend. It is nice...
Church tomorrow. I look forward to it which is a switch from my childhood...

Girl Bonding Time

Sometimes a girl just needs some girl time. Good company with other girls. I needed that. I was so looking forward to spending time with my two cousins tonight. Thought about it all day. I am so glad we went to dinner. Good food, wine and lots and lots of talking. Therapy... Talking...

Had a little surprise baby shower at work today for my coworker. We did our best to surprise her. It was sweet and my aunt did a great job getting it all together. It took alot to get us all in one room. We had a crazy morning to boot. Phones were down, internet was down, had a shipment going to South Africa, trying to get a shipment ready for Australia, cleaning out desks to move our office, it is crazy. I love the frenzy. This I know about myself. I thrive on on a certain degree of action and stress. I would be too bored and alone with my thoughts. That is not good for me. Being alone in my head can be a bad bad thing. Monday begins my new career path on my own. Okay, not really alone but without the assistant who pretty much knows how to run everything in that office. I hope she will take my calls while she is in labor. I don't think that is asking too much...

Hold On!

Tomorrow is the last day... My mentor that I am replacing is leaving to birth a baby and tomorrow is her last day. She had to leave early today and I was alone in the office. I was handed three orders that had to ship out and had about 2 hours to get it done. Luckily, my boss came back to help me with one of the more challenging Canadian orders. I think I did pretty darn good. The proof will be when the product actually arrives and it is all good. I am happy to report that I didn't get flustered or nervous. I think that I was taught well and that I listened well and that I really like doing it. It's a good combo. How funny to call my aunt my "boss". But she is!
Have been having some relaxing, lovely evenings at home. Get home from work, house is picked up(I do what I can in the morning before I leave) and the girls do the rest. They have been soooo good at picking up the slack now that I am working full time. We have our routine down, they are getting their homework done, chores done and help with dinner. Once we are all done with the "have to do stuff" we watch one of our favorite shows on Tivo or regular television. Sometimes there is a warm crackling fire going and sometimes there isn't. It hasn't been that cold lately.
I understand that when California and Arizona get the "El Nino" effect, lots of rain, we don't get any. Fine with me... The sun has actually been out too. A rare and happy occurrence in January.
Sooo... I plan to have a nice weekend, hanging out with my cousins one night, hanging with the daughters Sat. and Sun. just taking it easy because I know come Monday it'll be crazy!!!

Help is on the way!

I am starting to get it. At least I think that I get it. I hope I am getting it. It will all be evident next week. I am talking about my job. The person that is going on maternity leave will be gone as of Friday. She wont be back until May. I hope she has a restful (as much as you can with a four year old and a new baby) time from work but I am not promising that I wont have to call her. I am surrounded by help and have to remember to use the help.
Use the help- not use as in take advantage of but use as in utilize. Ask for help. I am learning to ask. I am realizing that it is okay to ask for help. If someone you ask doesn't or can't help, then it is okay. I wont be mad or go off sulking. I think there have been times that I should have asked for help and I did not. It might have made a difference. Who knows...
Asking for help is not easy, sometimes you feel like it could be looked upon as a sign of weakness. As I get older, a bit wiser and a bit more needy, I now know that it is not about being weak. It is about being strong enough, brave enough to ask.
I am seeing lots of challenges in my future and knowing that there are life lines available makes it all seem a bit less daunting. I am scared of some challenges but am more looking forward to the challenges and what I will learn about myself in that process. Who knew that I would like office work and not miss hair? Learning lots of new tasks has been really great. Hopefully I can feel the optimistic in all areas of my life.
Optimism is a sweet feeling. I am seeing my challenges with that optimistic spin There are times, in the past, that I have not felt optimistic. Have not felt negative in a while and it feels good... Really, really good.

Just Updates

I was looking at my "pictures" file and it made me realize that I haven't done a family style update in a bit. I have been on an inward trend lately. Trying to wax philosophical or something.
You may or may not remember that Sid was on her school's bowling team. They had their last match and missed going to finals by half of a point. They were pretty disappointed to say the least. She did get some really cool brand new bowling shoes out of the deal. She is glad to be done for some reasons and will miss it for others. Honestly, for me, it was time to be done. Now that I am working full time it doesn't allow for a lot of time to shuttle her back and forth. Luckily, she could get lots of rides from her friend's mom.
Riley has been really working hard on her academics. She is having much success with her math tutor and it is showing. She has also been presented with a challenge. It was made to her by her Grandmother. Let's just say it has something to do with money for good grades. Riley is motivated by money and therefore would like to be rewarded for her good grades. We hope she prospers.
Sid just finished finals and will have a new elective and maybe a bit of a new schedule depending how it all plays out. She will find out tomorrow. She had Athletic Injuries last semester and really enjoyed it. She did well in it and liked her teacher very much. She isn't sure yet what will replace that class and that makes her a bit tense.
The girls and I have been watching football all afternoon. We went to church this morning and I got my weekly shot in the arm. So good for me. The girls like it too and tend to remember much about the sermons. More than I ever did at their age. I think that has a lot to do with the pastor! We stopped and got some snacks and hurried home. It was pouring down rain and still is. We were lucky for a few days. While Calif. and Arizona got pounded with rain and snow, we did not for a change.
I worked yesterday, makes for a short weekend, long week. Strange, I don't really mind. Being so busy and having to learn so many new things has kept my brain occupied, very occupied. That is good for me, I tend to live inside my head a little too much at times.
So a new week begins, Riley's new elective is bowling. We are keepin' it in the family. She likes to bowl and has found that she is pretty darn good at it.
She is loo
king forward to March camp already.

Hard to believe that January is drawing to a close. It really has been an interesting month. New Year's day dawned, I hit the ground running and haven't stopped yet...

Change

Change: Defined as:"to transform or convert"
Hmmmmm... yes, I guess that is how it should go. I am in a constant state of change. I am immersed in a completely different job. Far different from what I did for a job for the last 25 plus years. I am having to evolve or change in many areas of my life. I am finding new things out about myself everyday. Things I did not know about myself, things I knew about myself that were buried under a big pile of crap. It is time to roll with the change. Accept the change because it is happening with or without me. It is not about whether you can change or have that ability... it's about how you handle that change. Like a two year old or like an adult who knows what's right or wrong and what is real and what is not. I choose the adult version, even it I don't always want to be an adult. Sometimes it's just more fun and satisfying being the two year old.
I am not saying that all of the revisions are good or that I like everything that I am learning about myself during this transitional time. I don't like some things I am about or how I handle some of the situations that change brings about. All I can do is keep working on it... do the work...learn to like the new things you are learning about you and what is happening around you.

Haiti... It is on every television news station, it's been talked about at work, church and coffee klatches everywhere. It was mentioned several times last night on the Golden Globes. It is easy to feel awful for the Haitians. They had so little to lose in material possessions but much to lose in life of loved ones. Once again, many turn to America and ask us how much more we can do, how much more can we give. I think we are in a position to give and do more but am in awe of the private citizen that does the most. Doctors, nurses, regular people. Doing whatever they can to help ease the suffering and pain. No matter what our government does, we will be looked at and judged by others. You hate us, you look down at us with disdain and hatred but you always want us to do more. Some have said that the earthquake in Haiti happened because Haiti was cursed. In the sermon on Sunday, the pastor explained that we are all cursed, since the happenings that occurred in the book of Genesis, we have all been cursed. I am not sure how anyone could watch the news, seeing the grief and heartache that these people are enduring and think that they did anything to bring such destruction upon themselves...

Today is Sunday

Just a list of things I did today. Woke up. Drank coffee from my new coffee maker. It is divine. The girls and I went to church again. Fed my soul. Came home and walked around the beach with Sid. There is a walking pier at the lake by us. It was beautiful. No, the sun was not out but it did not rain on us. Lots of water fowl, Canadian Geese, etc. Good to catch up on what is going on in my teenage daughter's life. Riley had been very busy this past week with her stewardship work. They had lots of cleaning up of parks, etc. She came home every night soaked, filthy and exhausted. She opted out of the walk and read her novel. When we got home she was sound asleep. Made some delicious spaghetti for dinner. It was totally different than what I usually make. We bought all the ingredients at Whole Foods so it was an organic dish. Whole Foods is a dangerous place. I can't go there very often. Love that place. Watched the Golden Globe awards. Felt subdued-probably because of the Haiti situation. Now watching 60 Minutes and it is about Haiti. Heart wrenching. I have a library book staring at me on the night stand. I may try to start it.
Work tomorrow. Glad for that. It is time to implement what all I have learned. The girl that I am replacing will be having her baby soon so I gotta be on my game.

I am making some progress with my new profession. I am liking the office assistant thing very much... still... today was hectic, but allowed me to do a few more tasks, some I did well, some I tried to do well... I really did try. I am getting good at phone answering, message taking and scanning files and changing them into pdf form. I am not so good at printing product manuals... The one thing I thought I would really be good at, and I am failing at miserably. I am blaming it on a copier, paper, ink malfunction. Why look too deeply into my flaws? Just accentuate the positive and don't dwell on the negative. Oh? What of the filing? That seems to be going well. I like this new world, I really do.

The Rough Road

So much sad news lately. People that I have known for a long time, some not so long are going through some incredibly rough and sad things right now. So many requests for prayers! I try to remember them all. I am including myself in these prayers. My husband and daughters as well. We all have been having a rough patch and I am hoping the pot holes get filled up and the road becomes a bit smoother. I know that it can never be a road made of clouds, cotton balls or marshmallows but just a nice rut free road for a while sure would be a welcome change.I am beginning to wonder if all of this scary swine flu epidemic stuff was even true. It seems like there is some sort of sad, bad news epidemic instead and there isn't a shot that you can get at the drugstore for it. The thing about rough patches or tough times, it makes the good news or good things that happen brighter and more welcoming. My job seems to be going really well. I am learning new things and rising to new challenges. I really look forward to being there and am grateful for the opportunity. The daughters are back into the groove of school, bowling, etc. Riley is having some light bulb "moments" and school work is going very well. She is actually liking the subjects she is studying. I am so grateful for that. I am learning or "relearning" how I need to juggle some things, home stuff and work stuff. Bob feels fine with taking the girls where they need to be after school. He gets off of work before they get home so it works out pretty well. So far he hasn't forgotten them yet.

Buzzzzzzzzz

Busy day... or busy morning. I put my other cap on today. The one that says "stylist". I did some rockin hair today. The girls and I had made loose plans to go to the mall after school. I was up early and got my car to the dealership for it's usual oil change and windshield wiper replacement blades. I'll bet that wiper blades are western Washington's number three most popular items for purchase. Number one being rain boots, number two is coffee or is it the other way around? Anyway, the car is all spiffed up for a few more miles. I went home in pouring rain to evaluate the mall trip. I was hoping we could postpone or cancel because I was really really tired. My luck held out and neither girl wanted to go out in the cold and wet. I promptly laid down for a nice little cat nap(along with the cat).
Bob had to leave for work around 5:00 tonight. He is doing inventory, a new task for him at the large warehouse retail establishment. He should be home before midnight, he thinks.
Tomorrow will be all about being a responsible mother, wife and household manager. Groceries, laundry and cleaning. I still haven't unpacked everything from our AZ trip.

New Things

I am beginning a new chapter in my life. Well, as far as jobs go. I am still in the hair world, but just not full time. I am an office assistant in training. I am in the learning process right now. I am trying to absorb as much information as possible. The biggest problem with this training thing is this... The person I am going to be filling in for knows so much and so much of it is in her head.
Really, not a serious problem, just amazing that she knows so much about every thing that goes on in this business. My biggest fear is that I will make a huge mess of everything and not be able to even fill a thimble full of her shoes. I am enjoying it all so much. Much more than I anticipated. I really have been looking forward to this new job for a while now and so far it's been great. It has been refreshing to be at work all week. I needed the distraction and find that being completely absorbed in learning has kept me from thinking of unpleasant things. My home life is great and Bob and I will do everything in our power to make sure that our home life is always great. We are very protective of our little bubble called "home".
I will need to get my bearings and work out a schedule for getting house stuff done and having the daughters help me out. It's only the first week and I am not too worried. I sound like I have never worked outside of the home before.
I guess that the mantra I am telling myself in work and at home is this... Stay calm... don't forget to breath...

Skip it if you want to have nice evening

What kind of state of mind do you need to be in to post on your blog? I guess that depends on the kind of blog you have. If it's just about posting pics for loved ones far away and update them on the grandkids then stick with that formula. Don't change lanes suddenly and keep it all good. My blog is a mishmash, I tend to go with the mainstream stuff. I do add a little personal angst in there for some spice and my own brand of sick humor. My sick humor or sense of humor has been what has kept me from losing my mind more than once or twice in my life.
I have been home for two days now and life cuts you no slack. It's off and running. If this is what 2010 is going to be like then stop the bus I want to get off now.
I will not, wont and don't ask me to go into detail. I just wont. If you want to stop reading now because I am just a selfish blogger than go ahead. Let it be enough to say that, even when you think you are trying really hard to be a good person, do the right things, etc etc. Life still grabs you by the shirt collar and bitch slaps you into some other form of reality.
I woke up after a not so great sleep with a lovely headache. Things have progressed down hill from there. I guess I came over to the computer for some solace. It helps to type and get your mind in gear.
Sid is going to the movies with a friend. She got a lecture about checking in every three and half minutes. She doesn't really need the lecture, she is a great kid and has never abused her freedom, but I still have to be the parent to remind her. I gotta let her know I am here and I care about her well being. She may go see Sherlock Holmes and I am jealous. I hope she comes home and tells me how great it was because I really want to see it. I guess it will just be Riley and I watching t.v. tonight. I do have to start my next book for book club so maybe that will be on my agenda. Tomorrow both girls want their hair done. It is long overdue and they need to look good for school on Monday with over two weeks of vacation.
I have been doing my own hair and it shows. Oh well, maybe that will change in the new year.
Tomorrow is already the third day of the new year. It's hard to believe. Maybe my next post will be more uplifting.

New Year

Only an hour to go. It will officially be 2010. The news shows were all about what happened in the first decade of the 2000's. It's amazing how much has happened in 10 years. I know that in my own life lots of changes happened in the years 2000 thru 2010. Moved twice, watched my children grow and change, job changes, loss of friends and changes for myself. I feel like 2009 was difficult in many ways and really rough for lots of people. Hoping that '10 brings comfort and blessings to those that really need it, deserve it. I am not a believer in resolutions. Don't get me wrong, I want to believe in resolutions and believe that they work. I just have lived long enough and been around enough to know that they just don't hold up for long. It's a refreshing idea, new year, new goals... It's just that they don't seem to stick for most people. I am filled with a renewed sense of being and it really just is coincidental with the new year. I am gonna have a new job and that will help me have some new things to do in my daily life. Sure lots happened in the last 10 years and many of those things were good, perhaps even great. It's all about finding that glass half full. Some times the champagne flute seems half empty but it usually gets refilled again by someone with a big bottle of the bubbly who is happy to top off my glass.
We are warm and safe in our home, cozy and sleepy, some of us had no intention of staying awake til midnight, some of us were not too sure, some of us are really trying and some of us will sail right thru to midnight and probably beyond with no ill effects til tomorrow morning. I will report back and let you all know who made it and who did not. Happy New Year, Happy Decade done and Decade begun.

Christmas Time is Family Time

It has been a holiday filled with family. We haven't had as much time with my sister's family or my parents as we used to. In California we were only five hours away so we were able to make it work being together more often. We have really enjoyed being with everyone. I know it will be hard to go home, especially for the girls. I am always torn, being with family and wanting to be in my own home. It's hard also, being away from my husband. We miss him so much. He has done well, working and holding down the fort while we are gone. He has been putting in lots of long weird hours. He told me today that he has some picking up around the house to do and that for the most part has kept the house clean- I know I can rely on him to do that.


So, Christmas is over, we are having a lazy day today. There are a few things that we have to get done but for the most part, we will just have some more fun. When I get back to Washington it will be nose to the grindstone. I will officially working! I am really really really looking forward to it. I just hope that my new employer will be glad that they took me on. I always like the holidays, whether it be Christmas or any other but I always like getting back into a routine as well.

What Christmas is All About

I have heard it said that Christmas is for children. Having my own children did make me appreciate the holiday season so much more but I couldn't put my whole 100% into it because I was a working mom with two small children. Seeing everything through their eyes did bring back some of that hard to find Christmas spirit.
Now I am the mother of teenagers and the Christmas feeling has scampered off to find others with small children. Lucky for me, I have been in the company of some young children lately and have seen the fun of it all. It started with my cousins children. They had their trees up, had gingerbread house decorating parties,etc.


The cousins are all young and still so innocent and sweet when it comes to all things Baby Jesus and Santa. Now I am lucky enough to be in the company of my five year old niece for the holiday season. She is decorating cookies, helping her dad put up Christmas lights, singing carols at school, telling us about Santa coming to her house and bringing her a telescope. It's refreshing to get to be a part of that again.





We adults have to try to find the mood, get into the spirit. It isn't our fault. It's hard to get excited about spending more money than you have, cooking more than usual, adding parties, school programs, extra errands to your already hectic schedule and having 20 extra people sleeping in your house and eating your food. We have to be responsible, still go to work and then feel bad because we aren't getting into the spirit. We all need to have some children in our lives to remind us of the wonder and awe.

Stay Tuned

I have been like a maniac shutter bug. I have taken dozens upon dozens of photos. I will post them as soon as I finish with baking today. We are heading over to the store to get the rest of our ingredients. I will take some photos of the beautiful creations that we attempt to produce. Today is my sister and brother in law's 23rd anniversary. We are going to celebrate with some rib eyes, baked potatoes and lettuce wedges, can you say YUM????? Today also happens to be my grandpa's 88th birthday. We did call but haven't spoken to him yet, he was already in the car and off to church. Will call him later and let him chat with his great grand daughters.
88 years old. It's hard to imagine. I have known him since he was in
his early 40's or something like that. I wonder how he feels having a grand daughter who will be turning 50 in a few short years.
My sister and Sidney are ready to head out to Super Target and I don't want to incur their wrath. Shout out to my dad who made us some delicious ribs last night. Fun card games, great food, tears and laughter talking about things past.

Trippin'

No, not a drug induced kind of trippin'. Just you know... taking a trip. Airplane rides were non eventful, packed full of uneducated travelers. I really do believe after some airport/plane observation, that there are people that never travel by plane. There are those that have odd airport behavior, don't know how to line up to board the plane and then once on the plane-lordy lordy... My girls make me proud, they are seasoned pros. They go right to the expert traveler's lane for security, shoes, laptops and jackets into the bins, thru the screener, pack up the stuff, shoes on, and off to the gate. They have been traveling across the country by plane since they were babies. It has gotten to the point that they are telling me to turn off my phone and ipod, buckle my seat belt, etc... You trade parents for a husband, then get kids who tell you what to do.
So we are in sunny, warm Arizona. It has been in the 70's so it feels like a Seattle summer. We even requested the air conditioner be turned on in Papa's car on the ride home from the airport. Today is a windy desert kind of day, sunny to be sure. We have been busy already. My niece had her Christmas program at school yesterday. Nothing like a bunch of five year olds singing Rudolph to get you into the holiday spirit. Sister and I have had some time to hang out, chat and of course laugh. Daughters have split up their living arrangements as well. One at grandparents and one aunt's house. There is one very happy five year old hanging around Riley- can't let her out of her sight.
I will be going to unpack and make my new home for the next two weeks.