Examine Your Own Motives

I struggle with this theory, as does Bob. Too many good things happen to you in one dose so something bad is bound to happen. Wait for the other shoe to drop. Lots of bad things happen in one fat dose so you should expect or deserve to have something good happen. Does it really work that way or is that another form of distorted thinking? Distorted thinking is when you think something that is not reality. For example an anorexic has distorted thinking. The fact that they think they are fat and are topping the scales at 80 pounds on a good day is clearly distorted thinking. Everyone does it. The voice in your head is prone to distorted thinking. " I am ugly, fat, stupid, they must be talking about me, they must hate me, they must think I am dumb" those are things that run through your head however fleeting. No one will ever talk as mean and hateful to you as you will to yourself. I learned much of this from therapy and from the Melody Beattie books dealing with co-dependency. I recommend her work to anyone, whether you have an addiction or someone close to you does or no one you know does(which is hard to imagine).
Back to my unanswered question about good things coming to an end and bad things happening. You receive so many blessings, some you acknowledge and some go without notice. I try not to be selfish or blind to my many many blessings. I am however prone to lamenting over my bad list. This I realize is not going to get me anywhere. Not productive. If you wallow in what you perceive as bad, you do yourself a giant disservice. Maybe it is not a bad thing that happened but a good one, you just don't see it or know it yet. Only God really knows for sure. I have plenty of questions for him on a daily if not hourly basis.
So where did these thoughts come from and why the hell am I going on and on about it?
The second person to interview me about three weeks ago just called. She said that they have decided to go with someone else for the position. This is the second time in less than a week that I have been told this. Now mind you, I know that jobs are hard to come by and that lots of really talented deserving people have lost jobs and are having a hard time. I had really convinced myself and everyone around me that this job was a walk in the park, an easy in. I am sooooo qualified and perfect and of course the interview process was just a formality, once they saw the talent oooozing out of my resume they knew they just had to have me on board with their company. Guess what? That was distorted thinking... Not just one no but two no's. Kinda of a big blow to the ego. I have been off of the phone for just the amount of time that it has taken me to type this and I have not cried yet but can feel it beginning to well up in me. I want to go to my bed and close the world out and have a good cry. The radio playing is annoying, the sound of the washing machine is pissing me off, it's all no good.
I asked this person in charge of my fate if there was some constructive advice she had for me or why they went with someone else, I think I caught her off guard and she stumbled a bit. She said that they went with someone that had their application in longer and that she had a more flexible schedule than me. Whatever... all I hear coming from her mouth is blah blah blah blah. Kind of like all of the adult voices in a Charlie Brown television cartoon. Wha wha wha wha.... thru a long tunnel...
So now what? I don't know. I do not want to go back to being a stylist. A small part of me misses it but I do not want to start all over again for thousands of reasons. I know I have options but am not in the mood to review them at the moment. I will have to give myself a few hours or days. I like being home but that does not pay well and there are bills to be dealt with. So this is my rant, my disappointment. Excuse me while I re evaluate who and what I really am to the outside world. I have lots of distorted thinking to deal with and it may take a while.